Trauma Work and the Emerging Second Adolescence
In working with trauma survivors in therapy I see patterns. Yes, humans seeing patterns is a part of our nature. However, when I have multiple clients in my practice share similar experiences during their trauma work trek, it does bring sense of validity beyond a natural human tendency.
In my own trauma work, I noticed a major shift coming into my mid-twenties. Although, it looked different than some of my friends. Many of my friends were focusing on somehow buying their first house (seriously…how?), having kids (also…what?), their career and overall just focusing on chilling out. Meanwhile, I was exploring new hobbies like roller Derby (I went to two classes), collecting plushies and re-discovering lego. I was de-defining my style, dying my hair funky colours and getting tattooed. I got diagnosed with ADHD and began collecting neurodivergent and queer friends because I finally found humans I could relate to. I was dating multiple people, joined a burlesque class and writing class. It was almost as if I was re-experiencing going through my adolescence stage, in my late twenties.
Then I learned about the term, Second Adolescence. It is often used to describe LGTBQ adults who come out later in life. Queer youth experience higher rates of violence, homophobia and abuse. Due to this, they often do not get to experience and explore their adolescence years in the same way as their peers. While many youth get to explore hobbies, style, friends and self identity, many queer youth are living in a state of survival. While we are in survival mode, self actualization is not able to be achieved.
I began to notice that this was the case not only for queer folks, but also folks who experienced ongoing abuse as children and youth. Often times, my clients would get to a place in their therapy work where they would realize they did not know what their core values were. They did not feel secure in their self identity. They are afraid to try new things. They felt like they were not who they imagined or wanted to be. They had limiting thoughts and beliefs which stop them from exploring the world and relationships around them. Almost all of my clients hit a place in their trauma work where they express feeling angry. They often describe the anger feeling like a tantrum. Years of unexpressed needs and desires bursting like an erupting volcano. This, feels very similar to the description of a Second Adolescence.
When I discovered Parts Work (Internal Family Systems) Theory, it provided both myself and my clients with language to help identify the shift happening in us. Parts Work theory states that when we experience trauma, the human psyche “fragments” in order to cope with the trauma as best we can. For many of us who experienced chronic developmental trauma, our teen years were impacted and in some cases, stunted.
I like to validate the experience of the second adolescence and use it as a time in therapy work to explore the desires and needs we did not get met as teens. I believe it is important for us to assess and explore values and what actually matters to us. I believe in exploring different styles, forms of self expression, individuality and autonomy. I believe in trying new hobbies and making mistakes or discovering we don’t like something we thought we would. I believe in adult play. Play cannot exist when we are in a constant state of fight or flight. Thus, when we get to a place in our trauma work where feelings of safety exist, exploring play can be extremely healing and freeing. I believe it is important to let ourselves be the adolescent or young adult (or fuck, even child) that we didn’t get to be. Whether it is in private, or with trusted humans or in safe places (shout out to the kink Littles spaces that exist). Even if it feels like it is not acceptable as adults to explore these parts of ourselves, there are often ways of brainstorming meeting these needs within our existing responsibilities and roles. These parts of ourselves are important and deserve to be nurtured. Doing so, allows for a deeper understanding and connection to our true selves and the human we want to be outside of our trauma.
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