The Trans Perspective on OPPs Made My Brain Break
Yesterday, I recorded an audio track for my Patreon on Shaming folks with OPP (one penis/pussy policies) agreements in their Non-Monogamous relationships. TDLR: I have been frustrated by the fact that some folks in the NM/Poly world shame this agreement when it works for the consenting adults taking part in it. I wanted to share this take on the topic, as a bisexual woman.
After posting, a friend of mine reached out with some super solid feedback that has led me to identifying that the label OPP, doesn’t actually convey what I wanted to.
I thought about the “best” way to communicate this learning into a concise and organized way. One of the things I thought to do, was to summarize the conversation between us into an essay. Another idea was to record a new sound (Bi)te on the topic. However, ultimately for the purposes of authenticity and time, I thought it may be a cool thing for folks to see some legitimate unlearning and re-learning on my end by showing how the conversation evolved.
Even as a queer, poly, kinky therapist, I found myself struggling to say what I actually wanted to because of a lack of language and understanding the difference between gender identity and genitalia (which, now that it is clear to me - I’m like, duh?). Im thankful for my friend having taken the time to share their thoughts from a trans perspective, without shaming or criticizing me. As a queer human, I am aware of the capacity this can take. I now feel much more equipped to have these conversations in the future with partners, as well as, with clients.
If you want to read the process of my brain breaking, check out the dialogue here.