Hi fellow survivors and friends - I wanted to drop a note to share some things i’ve been working on behind the scenes, life updates and some notes I found that were meant for Instagram that i’m gonna pop into this write-up.
Life updates:
As far as life updates go, I had a roommate who I was really struggling with. There was a lot of conflict and value/belief differences that were really triggering to my nervous system. Although it was helpful financially to have someone to share bills with, it wasn’t worth the impact on my mental health. They luckily, moved out really quickly without any major issues. My home feels like my home again and I won’t be living with anyone for a while after this experience.
I quit weed. Yup. Im on day 23 of sobriety after five years of blazing every day. I’ve been keeping track of my experience by (shocking!) writing about it. I plan on sharing my experience of my first month quitting weed on my Patreon at the end of this month. You can sign up here.
I have a reading coming up in Paris (Ontario, not France - unfortunately). It is this coming Saturday (October 30 @ 4pm). I plan on reading two of my essays from Unbound - Queerness and Internalized Homophobia and Being a Rope Bunny with Trauma.
Things I didn’t post on Instagram that I think are still cool little tidbits:
“Isn’t it enough that I live in the world? Must I also praise it?” - Mae - Feel Good, Netflix. Just a quote I felt was relatable. Also, if you haven’t checked out this show, it’s pretty solid. The main character is a non-binary autistic queer and hilarious AF.
Trauma does not give us the permission to inflict trauma onto others = Truth. Yes, we can feel empathy for the stories and histories of others (and ourselves). However, this doesn’t give permission to them or us, for continuing the cycle of trauma and inflicting pain onto others.
We’re all just kind of bad at life and just doing our best. Something I wrote to encourage empathy towards others and myself.
We can struggle with our mental health, AND the world can be on fire. It can be both. The world being on fire, does not invalidate your mental health. Again, the empathy thing.
Stop expecting people to be grateful for basic human rights. Does anyone else notice societies totally shit response to folks who are homeless? RAGE.
There is a primal response in us to fight against threat. Many of us are being threatened right now (housing, food, job security, recession, ongoing pandemic). The more people who are impacted, the bigger opportunity for change and revolution. This is something I wrote after a conversation with one of my partners. I think we are still ways away from any sort of major societal shift, but I do believe that more and more people are being impacted and getting angry. Anger can be a powerful tool for change.
If there are people you’ve lost touch with over the pandemic that you miss, reach out to them. Feeling lonely? Try to reconnect with old pals.
Pizza analogy: A conversation I had with my Rigger about communicating desire to partners. Communicating about sex can be like ordering a pizza. “What do you like on your pizza? Do you want the same toppings on the whole pizza or only on half? Did you like the pizza or should we order a different one next time?”. My Rigger is on the autism spectrum and I find that he has really cool ways of communicating about topics that can be confusing or overwhelming for folks. I found the pizza analogy really helpful as a way to reframe conversations about what we do and don’t like during sex with folks.
Thats it for today - Be Gay, Do Crime.
JJ