My Decision to Discontinue my Antidepressants After Ten Years
Content warning: Mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation and discussion of medication.
I have been wanting to write an essay on my decision to go off of my antidepressants after learning more about ADHD and becoming late diagnosed in my early 30s. The idea has been floating around in my mind for over a month, yet I found myself hesitant to write it down and share it on my platforms. I believe the major contributor to my hesitation, is that I worry as a therapist, someone who has lived with depression and who works with folks with depression, sharing about my decision to discontinue my antidepressants may shift peoples views on my credibility. Originally, I wanted to write an article about the history of antidepressants and depression as a mental health diagnosis. I wanted to discuss the pharmaceutical companies and specifically, the antidepressant, Prozac. I wanted to write about depression in the western world and how we view the feeling of sadness and grief. However, again, I have held worry that sharing this information may be taken out of context or come across as me being “anti antidepressants”, which I am not. I also acknowledge that there are many valuable resources which already cover these topics. So, rather than reinvent the wheel, I will be sharing some of those resources at the end of this article should people want to read more.
I have decided that the way in which I will address this topic, is by specifically stating that in this essay I am talking about my own personal experience with being on and discontinuing antidepressants. This essay is not medical advice, nor is it a moral judgment for or against antidepressants. I am sharing my experience because it is what I have always done as a writer who writes personal essays. It is how I have built my following and I would think transparency around difficult topics is what folks have come to expect of me. I believe that just as I have written openly about my experiences with my depression in the past, that it is also important for me to share about coming out the other end. Or at least, share about where I am right now, as I believe that mental health is fluid. Where I was, is not where I am now. Where I am now, is not where I will be in the future.