Hyper Vigilance in Our Bodies as Queer Humans Living Through This Shit Show
“This is the first time I have felt scared to be queer, since I was a teen living in rural Ontario”.
“I thought we were past this. We are fighting for the right to exist”.
“They don’t understand. My passport has not been updated. I will need to shave before I go to the airport. Traveling is a risk for me right now”.
“I didn’t know I could want things like a home, dog and family as a queer person until two years ago when I met another queer woman who had these things”.
“I was scrolling on Reddit and saw photos of my bio family at anti-trans protest”.
“If they are transphobic it will impact how this goes”.
“These protests have already led to increased violence. Flags have been torn down, people have had rocks thrown at them”.
These, my dear friends, are real quotes from clients I work with in my psychotherapy practice. These are real feelings and thoughts being held in the bodies of the queer humans I work with. These are real fears and thoughts that I have, as a queer person.
I recently went to the United States to visit the Grand Canyon and Joshua Tree. As we drove through the desert between Vegas and Joshua Tree, I witnessed confederate flags and pro trump signs. I thought to myself, “Theres no way I could be gay here”. I had a gay pride flag in my backpack with the intention of standing at the edge of the canyon and holding it up for a photo. I never took the flag out.
As trauma survivors, we often become so used to holding hyper vigilance in our body that we do not notice its impact. We have become accustomed to the tightness in our pelvic floors, the raised shoulders, the heightened sensitivity to sound, the split attention, the digestion and sleep issues. For those of us who are survivors, as well as, queer, we may not recognize the heightened stress response our nervous system is signalling to us as a result of the increased hate and violence our trans brothers and sisters are experiencing. Our nervous systems are sensitive to signs of unsafety when we come from trauma. As queer people, our nervous systems are all tuned into the unsafety happening around us. It has been programmed to do so. Whether we have acknowledged those signals is secondary.
If you are a queer human and have noticed:
You’re more tired lately
You’re isolating more
You want to avoid activity in public
You are more depressed and/or anxious
Your symptoms of hyper vigilance are heightened
Your adhd/autism symptoms are heightened
Increased anger
Decreased capacity
Avoidance of news media
Worse digestion and sleep
Increased inability to focus
It is because we are experiencing an increase in anti-LGTBQ hate. Our right to exist is being threatened. We have been activated into fight/flight.
It is important to recognize the impact that this increase in anti-LGTBQ/Trans has on us individually and as a community. Be gentle with yourselves. Surround yourself with humans that love you unconditionally and who practice similar values. Surround yourself with safety and people who have demonstrated that they can be trusted allies. Sleep. Eat. Drink water.
We have been here before as queer people.
With increased visibility, comes increased hate. Remind yourselves that many of these anti-trans protests have been outnumbered by supporters.
You are not alone.
With love and in solidarity,
Jessi