Disassociation gets a bad name in the world of trauma. It is often identified as problematic and a maladaptive coping mechanism. While disassociation, like any coping mechanism, can become problematic if it becomes our only response to stress and trauma, I feel it has a very valuable purpose in surviving chronic stress.
I sat on my couch playing Five Nights at Freddys. My partner had purchased me the game after I had finished the main quest line of Fae Farm. For those who are not familiar, Fae Farm falls into the category of a “Cozy Game”. Cozy games often have non-competitive game mechanics, are pretty, have relaxing music and have a very satisfying game loop of easy to complete tasks. As I have entered the world of gaming since the pandemic, I have started learning what I like vs. dislike. I tend to not like large games like Legend of Zelda or The Witcher. As beautiful as these games are, I find them overwhelming due to the vast amount of lore and quests that they possess. I don’t like puzzle games as I feel like I can’t turn off my brain and I become frustrated.
Due to my love of horror movies, I have explored several horror style games. These have included Resident Evil, Doki Doki Literature Club, White Day, Limbo, Little Nightmares and others. However, most of the horror games I have picked up, remain unfinished. While I played Five Nights at Freddys, I felt my heart rate increase and my fight/flight response get activated. I mean, why else play horror games other than for the adrenaline? I had the same response when I played White Day after having it sit incomplete on my Switch deck. My heart rate increased as I tried to avoid the zombie janitor trying to murder me in the halls of the haunted school. I realized, that I was feeling the exact opposite of how I wanted to feel. I didn’t want to feel stress - the world is stressful as is. I needed to feel like I could escape. My favourite gaming experiences are when I lose myself for a couple of hours into a world where there is brainless hack and slack, pretty scenery and clear quest lines. I feel engaged but relaxed. I’m not waiting for something to jump out at me. One of my most favourite games is Nier Automata for these very reasons. I don’t enjoy “grinding”, so I always game on the easiest mode.
Along with my cozy gaming tendencies, I have begun watching more anime again as well and reading cute yuri (girl love) manga. I have found that with the state of the world and supporting people as a psychotherapist, I have had little capacity for reading as many non-fiction books or live action films. I find myself steering away from darker or horror anime and towards pretty and light hearted series. I can manage shows, but my attention span struggles with movies.
After almost a year of sobriety, I have also begun to re-introduce cannabis use back into my box of escapism tools. I have steered away from high THC and find the most therapeutic anxiety reducing effects for myself from CBD/THC combinations with low THC content. I have reintroduced cannabis use with mindfulness and awareness.
When I notice the shift in my media and cannabis consumption, it brings me to thinking about disassociation. We all need a way to escape as opposed to analyze, problem solve, worry or learn. I want to escape into a world that isn’t this one. Frankly, I think that is fair given all that is currently happening in society.
Disassociation is a coping mechanism that our nervous systems activate when it perceives that we cannot escape a stressor or trauma. It often activates when we have been in a chronic state of fight/flight and our nervous system hits a point of exhaustion and needs to replenish capacity. Disassociation is the nervous systems way of forcefully disconnecting from the stressor/trauma when other options are not available. It does so by shifting into a “shut down” state. We may notice that we are not interested in engaging with other humans, we feel more tired, we feel quiet and like we want to hide under a blanket. Our ability for critical thinking, problem solving or other frontal lobe tasks, decrease as our body prioritizes rest. For some survivors, disassociation is the only time we are able to just sit and do nothing. We may look glazed over and like we are in another place mentally. In part, because we are.
While disassociation can be a form of stress response from our body, it can also provide a temporary break from the chaos and stressors leading our nervous system to that point if done so with choice. Humans need coping mechanism. We need “vices”. We need ways to shut off. Mindfully disassociating, can provide us with recuperation from the horrors of the current state of the world. Making the decision to disconnect, as opposed to waiting until our body does it for us, can lead to burnout prevention. Allowing ourselves permission to escape from the realities of financial stress, ecological disaster, ongoing war and genocide, health stressors, relationship stressors, is needed, in order to frankly, not lose our minds.
Like any coping mechanism, if disassociation becomes the one and only way available for us to handle stress, other tools need to be added. In moderation, I understand the human need to disconnect from the absolute shit show that we continue to live through. Whether it be through gaming, anime, reading or other forms of escapism.
I will be hosting my Cannabis Yoga classes again on Tuesday nights at 7pm via Zoom. The purpose of these classes will be to help set intentional time to slow down and move our bodies mindfully, with the use of cannabis, to help enhance our ability to do so. Cannabis use is NOT mandatory.
If you are interested in joining me for these classes, you can fill out the waiver and sign-up form here: https://forms.gle/k6KSfJwQaTj2kFoL8
In solidarity,
Jessi